10 easy steps to get everything you need in life!

I was once like you, disillusioned by the 9 to 5. “This can’t be what life is about!” I would think to myself. And then it hit me, I don’t have to be doing this! So the next day I quit my job and entered the world with a new mission. I knew that with enough time and commitment, and making sure that I never ever quit and didn’t let doubt or the naysayers get in my way I’d make it.

Now, after all this hard work… I’ve made it! And I’m here to tell you how you can make it too! All you have to do is follow these 10 easy steps, and you too can leave your boring 9 to 5 and live a life of freedom and empowerment that you can only now dream off!

  1. Introduce yourself to the concepts of self-organization often suggested by Marxist and Anarchist thinkers
  2. Find others who find these ideas appealing — discuss among yourselves
  3. Organize yourselves into groups so other people can find you and join in the discussions. Note: Always remember, it’s OK to have more than one group discussing different things, some of you may be opposed to the idea of having groups at all and insist on all discussion to be emphasized as discussions between individuals, that’s alright.
  4. Wow, look at how much your groups have grown! It looks like you may now have social and political credibility! Don’t worry about being a majority at this stage its enough that your organizations represent minorities in your workplaces and neighborhoods, because now you get to spread these cool ideas you’ve been discussing even more! Maybe even start some local small scale initiatives to solve local problems based on the principles you enjoy!
  5. What!? More people it seems like you have leverage. Don’t you think its time to ask your bosses for a raise? Maybe they should also reduce the work week with no cuts to pay and benefits. Don’t you also need someone to look after the kids while you work? and poverty kind of sucks, I think everyone should get free access to housing and healthcare, oh yeah, and education so they can create better opportunities for themselves and help us become a more innovative society!
  6. Ouft, those bosses sure put up a fight didn’t they? Why would anyone oppose implementing things that will benefit society as whole? are they that set on maintaining their power that they would rather see the rest of us starve? and the police! I thought they were on our side! You know what, who needs the bosses anyway, lets get rid of them. Congratulations! You’ve just smashed the state! 4 more steps to go and you’re there!
  7. Now that the state is gone you need to set up a decision making apparatus, or better yet, just modify the ones that are already there! Vote for your new bosses at work and if they don’t do their job make sure to replace them. You don’t need to compete now so you can work with other workplaces to become more efficient and get more time off! Bosses across these organizations can now cooperate to help us all meet our needs and plan accordingly for the future!
  8. Make sure you don’t forget about non work organization though, why not elect new council members and make sure they’re keeping track of your local needs and relaying that information to the new work groups!
  9. People in countries around you like what you’ve done and are giving you kudos, you’ve become an inspiration to them! Don’t be greedy and help them understand these steps better so they can apply them too!
  10. Actively participate in shaping society around you. Get involved with politics in your local council or at work, make your voice and your needs heard, engage in conversation about the meaning of life, learn how to paint or play an instrument. Or don’t do any of these things and watch Netflix all day, it’s a brave new world and everyone's got your back!

In the event that you have yet to pick up on this, this is a piece of satire meant as a jab at get rich quick schemes, superficial motivational ‘don’t give up’ talks, the commodification of an idealized lifestyle, and every entrepreneur who thought that their next app is going to bring about the emancipation of mankind.

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